Winery Job

I just realized in my last post I did not tell you about my new job. I went on a job interview to work weekends at a local winery, pouring wine. I got the job, and I was immediately pissed off. I have been grumbling about it all week. I woke up this morning and I had one of those light bulbs moments, I know now why I am so bothered.

I used to work in another winery years ago when my husband was sick. We were destitute, and the winery job pulled us through financially for many years. I started out at minimum wage, and although I was there 6 years, I only topped out at $11 per hour. My husband died while I was employed there, and my first 2 years as a widow was spent working at the winery...after that year I started figuring out how to better my income by learning how to deal cards and I was hired at an Indian Casino...I bumped my income to $27 per hour and was working FULL TIME. WOW! My first paycheck was like a lottery ticket. My mouth fell open and my heart jumped inside...I did very well financially for 4 years.

So you don't need my life story here, the bottom line is I no longer work at the casino, I have been working at home the past year and a half and really pinching pennies to make ends meet. So...when I got the job at the winery at minimum wage again, I felt that that was a major set-back. Not only that, it was like a Pavlovian response, that the job was pulling me out of the shitter once again. I don't want to be in the shitter...but that is how it made me feel. So, I have decided to create a new thought process, enjoy my new job, meet new people, and I will not sweat the money part. Here's the really FUNNY and IRONIC part. When you pour wine samples in a winery...people think you are GOD. So my intention is to go to work and play GOD for 7 hours. Surely GOD makes more than minimum wage. *smiles here*

Full Tilt

Well, I mentioned Sunday that this was a good week, and it was. I have been on full tilt all week. Now it is Friday, and it is so quiet it is scary. Quiet makes me nervous! I was going to work on my patio this week, and all I really accomplished there was buying the paint, laying out a plan and washing the patio down. My dad is going to come and take away some of the plants so I can paint and install a gazebo, but he caught the flu and won't be able to help me until this weekend...so I put my plans on hold for another week. I took some "before" pictures and wrote a synopsis of my plan, I think it will be a fun DIY article.

What I really need to learn to do is take advantage of quiet time. Instead of freaking out, I should take that opportunity to write things down and make a plan. I mean, I have plans in my head, but they get muddled, so I should really write them down so I can see them and they become more concrete intentions. Reading would be good too. I have totally steered away from writing my book, but I know that inspiration will come back around, I get it in waves.

The band is going great, we are now a 4-some, and dedicated to practicing and learning new songs...yay us! We are working on 2 Pat Benetar songs and 1 Blondie song, and 1 Sheryl Crow song. The guys are great, and Mark and I have been contemplating a band name...how about...MoonShine?

Personal Growth is on the Rise

I am having a great week, today I met with a few musicians who are actually willing to work on their craft and put together a working band. The rehearsal was a little rough because they are all learning new songs for the sake of the singer (me)! The previous band members all wanted to play blues, which is great, but doesn't lend much to a female vocalist. When I chimed in about the songs I knew, they seemed to lose interest. So, I didn't give up, and neither did my friend Mark, the drummer. He believes in me and is willing to stick it out until we find other musicians who will play with us. Today was a good day. We only played two songs, but that is more than any other practice we have ever had. We even agreed to meet twice a week to practice...wow!

Other than that, I have been reading and putting my thoughts about working at home back into focus. It's truly what I want, and believe I can do. This week, I intend to "walk away" from my freelancing and do a little home improvement project. My back patio is in need of a little re-vamping, so while the kids are doing their STAR testing this week, I plan on spending some time at home depot and plot my course of action.

So, what does this have to do with the title of my post? Good question. I have loosely been pursuing my personal growth for 15 years, but more seriously the past 2. I was so lost in my own cry-baby bs to really understand what spirituality meant to me, and now I am much more focused on what is important. I have stopped asking "why me?" and started looking at "why NOT me?" There is absolutely no reason why I cannot be successful, and no reason I cannot raise happy, healthy children. I have a good heart, I am loving, I am ambitious and sharp as a tack...so why NOT me? No reason, no reason at all.

My Library of Self-Help books really keep me in line. I stray from the path from time to time, and when I am ready to regroup I fall back on my books, revisit them, and whenever I do that I learn something new and see that I have actually taken many steps forward in healing. I highly recommend, the "Conversations With God" Series, "You Can Heal Your Life", and "The Game of Life and How To Play It". Visit my Amazon Store and check out some of these titles if you are not familiar with them!

Mother's Day

Last year on Mother's Day, my kids went out with my mom to buy me a Mother's Day present. This was the first year they had done that. Usually I would get a gift that they made at school in their art class...but this year they were homeschooled and did not have a paper-mache gift. Anyway, my (at the time) 9-year old gave me a card that touched me in a way I cannot express. The card has been sitting on my window sill next to my desk all year, and I do not have the heart to throw it out or put it away. Today I read it again, and it gave me renewed strength to follow my heart. Here's what it says...remember a NINE YEAR OLD picked out this card:

"When I was young, I didn't always understand how hard it must have been for you to make certain choices in your life. But now I see how much you tried to give of yourself - both to your work and to your family. You set an example of what it means to be a good and loving person - someone who always strives to be true to the best in herself. I hope you know how much it means to me to have an example like that. It's something I try to follow every day of my life."

Wow.

Book Reviews

I have a great internet friend, Hugh, who lives in Calgary. About 6 months ago I suggested he read the "Conversation With God" series, because I really felt that he was ready for the information. He ordered the books, and then we didn't speak for a long time. No big deal, internet relationships tend to drift occasionally. About a week ago, however, he dropped me a line and we have been talking again. I told him about my struggles and some of my relationshippy things that were going on and he told me that he had learned so much from the Conversations With God books. Coolness! I had totally forgotten that I had recommended them to him! I was all, "YAY!" and he was all..."You should go back and read them again!", and then I was all..."You're right." So the past few nights, I have been reading "Conversations". This book was written in such a way that simplifies all the things that we find complicated about life. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE in a "God" per se, I still recommend you take a look at this series. It is not religious Bible banging AT ALL...in fact it is very calming, very personable, and explains so many things that people have questions about in a way that makes you go..."OOOOOOOOOOH, I get it!" and then you slap yourself upside the head. You even find out that God has a sense of humor. *smiles* You can find this series in my bookstore. Seriously, it has helped me in the past to understand what my trials have represented...and it is helping me to revisit the books and bring my current situation into perspective. I am one of those people who never understood what "faith" was all about, but this book really paints a clear picture.

One question I had recently (and I almost blogged about it, but then I deleted it) was that I notice throughout my life I have always had a "Plan B". If my main goal doesn't work out, I have a back-up plan...and most of the time, I have NEEDED that back-up plan. Yep, I am living Plan B. Why is that? Is Plan B a good thing, or is it actually a detrimental to my main goals? I am really glad I deleted the blog, because I found the answer in "Conversations". In the book, God explains that our thoughts navigate us to the outcomes we experience in life. But many of us do not focus on one true goal, we have several ideas and many thoughts that crowd our mind...and the Universe answers your sponsoring thought or, the thought that is clearest. In my case, it was "Plan B". I was so busy making sure that I had something to cover my ass when Plan A failed, that Plan B was my sponsoring thought. *lightbulb here*

Here is a funny little addendum. I use my cat as an example of Plan A and Plan B. Well...my cat doesn't have a Plan B. He stares at me and stares at me until I give him what he wants. He rarely begs, he just stares. Sometimes he taps me with his paw, but mostly he just looks intently. He doesn't even MEOW. I know what he wants, and he doesn't give up. Sometimes I don't give him what he wants, but he doesn't sulk, he just waits half an hour and tries again. EVENTUALLY he gets what he wants. Its amazing. Cats are so zen.

Go read the book. It's way cool.

Sorry, I Couldn't Resist!

heeheehee!

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Poor Superman!

I feel really really sorry for Superman. It must be terribly frustrating to be superhuman and superfast. I realize this because I think I am superhuman too. Everyday, I put like 8 tasks on my plate and by noon I am done. My kids have barely rolled out of bed and eaten breakfast...I'm all c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!!! I work so fast and with top efficiency (lol) that I expect the rest of the world to keep up speed. Yesterday I had a day like that. The day before I had been cleaning my neighbor's house to make a couple extra bucks, I came home and cleaned my own house, then I wrote two articles for Smorty and made a video with my son so he could post it to YouTube. Then yesterday I sat down to my computer hoping for more work to show up in my e-mail and ...nothing. Grrr! Where is everyone!? Are they all sleeping? So, I cleaned my house some more and I scanned Craigslist for more work. Hours later...nothing again. I checked Smorty to see if they approved my posts...nope. I helped my son with math, I made dinner, I went to the coffee shop to check out open mic night, came home...still more nothing!!! I sent a message to my friend Darrell touting my depression. This was his reply,

"perhaps it was just the day... It is almost over and a new one is beginning. Sometimes when we are needing to see something happen, we look to hard and miss the little things that happened during the day. Lisa, you have done such a fabulous thing with you and your boys. I am inspired by the things you do each and every day and I know in my heart that things will come right for you. Scraping as you call it is a place some would not even go to. they would sit and hope a windfall would come and pick them up. YOU make the windfalls happen. Be encouraged that you are a real guide to many and I think you do wonderfully."

Maybe Supergirl needs to learn how to sit still and appreciate it when she is given a moment of peace, huh?