I am in a happy place. Not happy like fairy princess happy, but I do feel at peace. I have quieted my Subconscious, the Little Voice that used to rule my every waking and sleeping moment, the exhausting questioning, whining and complaining voices that pissed me off all day long. Today I am quiet. My heart aches, but in a good way. In an excited way. In a happy way.
I have worked for years to sew the pieces of my heart back together...but even when you do that you have another challenge. The challenge of keeping your heart whole once you have put it back together. How do you do that? Good question.
The Subconscious Self says things like, "BUILD A WALL! DON'T LET ANYONE IN! THIS IS NOW OUR FORTRESS!" and at first, that is what I did. I let a few people in, little by little...testing the grounds of trust and friendship but still keeping my distance. Sometimes a friend would push a button and I would freak out a little bit, back off and hide in the fortress again, but amazingly the fortress door was still open and once again I would venture out. My Higher Consciousness would start to talk to me over the Subconscious, it would say, "See? It's not so bad. I am bringing you loving people, its okay...talk to them, they will listen."
Recently one of my friends pushed a button, and although I freaked out I did not hide. I stood in the doorway of my fortress. I had a decision to make. Do I go back in, or do I step outside? I stood frozen in the doorway. My friend kept talking. I was listening. Finally I took a step outside, and then another. My friend embraced me and now I am exploring the aspects of a new and glorious room in my heart. The sewn patches are healing, the scars and stitches disappearing. The Subconscious voices murmuring in the background, "what if, what if, what if..." the Higher Consciousness saying "Good girl, you did it!"
I realize my mistake in the past was to put my heart in someone else's hands. Giving them the power to hurt or heal. The healthier way is to share your heart. Hold it in your own hands as if it were a prized possession and show it to the other person as a precious gift. Watch your heart glow and pulsate and smile as you present it...explain to that person why it has a few bumps and bruises but do not expect them to be the healing power. Heal it yourself, love it and treasure all the experiences. Find a way to be thankful for pain. Find a way to be yourself and that way you will have something wonderful to offer another person when that opportunity comes around.
I have worked for years to sew the pieces of my heart back together...but even when you do that you have another challenge. The challenge of keeping your heart whole once you have put it back together. How do you do that? Good question.
The Subconscious Self says things like, "BUILD A WALL! DON'T LET ANYONE IN! THIS IS NOW OUR FORTRESS!" and at first, that is what I did. I let a few people in, little by little...testing the grounds of trust and friendship but still keeping my distance. Sometimes a friend would push a button and I would freak out a little bit, back off and hide in the fortress again, but amazingly the fortress door was still open and once again I would venture out. My Higher Consciousness would start to talk to me over the Subconscious, it would say, "See? It's not so bad. I am bringing you loving people, its okay...talk to them, they will listen."
Recently one of my friends pushed a button, and although I freaked out I did not hide. I stood in the doorway of my fortress. I had a decision to make. Do I go back in, or do I step outside? I stood frozen in the doorway. My friend kept talking. I was listening. Finally I took a step outside, and then another. My friend embraced me and now I am exploring the aspects of a new and glorious room in my heart. The sewn patches are healing, the scars and stitches disappearing. The Subconscious voices murmuring in the background, "what if, what if, what if..." the Higher Consciousness saying "Good girl, you did it!"
I realize my mistake in the past was to put my heart in someone else's hands. Giving them the power to hurt or heal. The healthier way is to share your heart. Hold it in your own hands as if it were a prized possession and show it to the other person as a precious gift. Watch your heart glow and pulsate and smile as you present it...explain to that person why it has a few bumps and bruises but do not expect them to be the healing power. Heal it yourself, love it and treasure all the experiences. Find a way to be thankful for pain. Find a way to be yourself and that way you will have something wonderful to offer another person when that opportunity comes around.
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2 comments:
I am glad you are opening yourself. You are a great person to share hearts with!
Your stories of life and of loss give strength to others. You let them know that they CAN walk through a fire and still come out alive. You give of your heart and of lifes lessons and that is what it really is about. If we dont learn from our lessons, they often come back around for a second or third try. You are learning. You are growing and evolving into a woman that has a direction.
Remember, let someone else share your smiles, be a part of your smiles and even a part of the reason you smile... BUT Never, ever let them become your smile. If you do, if or when they go, so will your smile. Listen to "give you back your smile" on the CD You will understand that they CAN take it with them. So be your own best smiles sweetheart and you will never lose it to anyone. Always and with hugs, D
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