Well, sort of anyways. I miss it when I can't write like a narcissist. I haven't written in my book for about 2 weeks, but I have been healing some pretty major components in my life (see Cathartic Pizza below). I think about Bobby a lot. I was really pissed at him when he was here, but I know in my heart he was the best of almost any man I have ever met. He had problems, and I think when he met me, he thought maybe I could help him be the man he knew he was in his heart. He was that man for several years. We had fun together, we were best friends. But we were also children. Our self-esteem was not strong enough to sustain us through a marriage, or any other challenges that came our way. Little by little we fell apart. We clung to...well, I don't know what we clung to...but it was painful for a long time.
Bobby was charmingly funny. I got sick of his stories, but everyone he told them to laughed and laughed. I do miss his laugh, and so many other things about him. I haven't allowed myself to miss him. I think my angry side said "good riddance" for so many years and that has made me afraid to enter any other kind of relationship that would make me the least bit vulnerable. Cooking Italian meals with the kids has totally opened up that part of me that remembers how much I loved Bobby. That sweet Italian kid from New Jersey. I have always felt him watching over us, all these years. I feel him pulling Dante toward cooking. I feel him helping me pay the bills. idk. It's hard to explain, but I have always felt his presence.
I remember the night we were talking about maybe getting married. He didn't want to, and I was making arguments toward getting hitched. We were burning a
candle and blew it out while we were talking. Moments passed and we were drifting off to sleep. Suddenly a huge light filled our room, it was as if a UFO had landed...we both bolted up-right and looked over at where the light was coming from...it was the candle. It had re-lit itsself. We decided it was a sign and we had better get married. That's how our life began together, and that's pretty much the way it ended too. Bobby knew I believed in...well, magic. So he knows he can contact me from wherever he is...and he does...quite often.
Bobby was charmingly funny. I got sick of his stories, but everyone he told them to laughed and laughed. I do miss his laugh, and so many other things about him. I haven't allowed myself to miss him. I think my angry side said "good riddance" for so many years and that has made me afraid to enter any other kind of relationship that would make me the least bit vulnerable. Cooking Italian meals with the kids has totally opened up that part of me that remembers how much I loved Bobby. That sweet Italian kid from New Jersey. I have always felt him watching over us, all these years. I feel him pulling Dante toward cooking. I feel him helping me pay the bills. idk. It's hard to explain, but I have always felt his presence.
I remember the night we were talking about maybe getting married. He didn't want to, and I was making arguments toward getting hitched. We were burning a
candle and blew it out while we were talking. Moments passed and we were drifting off to sleep. Suddenly a huge light filled our room, it was as if a UFO had landed...we both bolted up-right and looked over at where the light was coming from...it was the candle. It had re-lit itsself. We decided it was a sign and we had better get married. That's how our life began together, and that's pretty much the way it ended too. Bobby knew I believed in...well, magic. So he knows he can contact me from wherever he is...and he does...quite often.
2 comments:
WOW!!!!!! That is really touching. I believe with all my heart as well that he is with you and helping you and the kiddos.
I love your hair AND your blog!
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