I Don't Know How to Juggle, but I Fake It

When I close my eyes and I envision myself, I see a juggler who has many balls in the air. The balls in my life have labels. Mother, Artist, Daughter, Sister, Mentor, Girlfriend, Bread-winner, Student, Employee, Friend, Animal Enthusiast, Comedian, Woman, Teacher, Maid. Some days I have 3 balls in the air, some days I have 5 in the air, some days I have so many I can't count...some days I drop all of them and say F*k it. The problem with the latter is that people get very disappointed in you. Your phone starts ringing, you get nasty IM's...but the cool part is, you find out who your REAL friends are.

Let me put it this way. I try really hard, and I work really hard to be all the things I want to be and to show everyone they can be that too. But some days you flunk out a little...you have a moment...you have a trial that only you can handle, and for 24 hours you are coping with an issue that is just between you and God. Only your true friends understand that.

I am at a time in my life where I understand what it means to play ball, and if the person on the other end doesn't play ball back...then you just kinda wait for another player who will play with you. It seems silly to sit and expect the other person to understand you, when they JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND you. Why sit there and try to explain the heck out of it? It is literally a losing battle. My sister and I learned this many years ago. We never really understood each other. So we had this sort of "pretend"hate or resentment while we were growing up, but as years passed and we came to be more accepting, we realized...we are just PEOPLE trying to figure out what our life is about. There is NO REASON to hate, just say..."I don't understand you right now" and allow that space to be there for awhile.

At this time I'd just like to say that my sister is really excellent human being. She works really hard and she loves even harder.

Back to my juggling analogy. Here are the balls I drop quite often. Girlfriend. Bread-winner. Student. Woman. Maid. My apologies go out to then people who have to accept me under those conditions. I am working on it.